I have something to ask you.

Sure, go ahead.

Do you like me?

What do you mean?

You know what it means.

Why do you ask?

I just noticed a few things and wanted to make sure we were on the same page.

What page are you on?

Well, I'm taking a break from dating right now but even if I wasn't, I'm not really interested in you. Don't get me wrong, I think you're cool. Just not interested in or attracted to you.

Ok.

Great, just wanted to clarify! I'm glad you're not upset at all. Or are you?

If what you have said is sincerely how you feel, then there's no reason to be upset. You didn't choose to feel that way.

What do you mean?

People don't really choose who they like. They just find themselves developing feelings for someone. It's not your fault that you happen not to like me neither is it to your credit if you happen to like me. Therefore, there is nothing to be upset about.

I don't buy that. You're seriously telling me it doesn't upset you if you like someone and you find out they don't like you?

Well, to be clear, I'm saying there's no one to be upset at. I might be upset at the news but that's really just a reactive type of upsetness. The same way you reactively flinch if you get poked. But psychologically, there is nothing to be upset about.

Sure but isn't this how it usually is? People get upset by the news, not at the person.

(silence)

So there is something to be upset about afterall. Saying it doesn't upset you because people don't choose their feelings just sounds like a way to avoid dealing with yours.

Well, I'm not saying it doesn't upset me. I'm just saying psychologically it doesn't stick to me. If someone doesn't like me, then they simply don't. There's nothing I can do about it.

There's definitely things you can do about it.

If I have to 'do' something to make someone like me, it is not 'me' they like.

Fair point. But I still don't believe you. You say it doesn't stick to you. Is that really true? Or do you just wish it didn't?

What do you mean?

Somewhere deep down, underneath all of that rationalization, doesn’t it hurt?

I mean, it does... but that's not the point.

Then why not just admit that? After all, by your logic, you didn't 'choose' those feelings either.

Stop making that face when you air-quote choose…
I mean, you're right. I don't disagree with that. It is a bummer when someone you genuinely like doesn't feel the same way. I just refuse to hold on to that feeling as if I've earned a right to be upset because something bad has happened to poor old little me.

Not holding on to a feeling is very different from trying to rationalize it away.

Yes, in that, we are in agreement.

So which is it?

Which is what?

Do you like me?

It doesn't really matter.

I don't care if it matters or not.

Well, if you are not interested in or attracted to me as you have said, why do you care if I like you or not?

Well, it's not that I care. I just want to make sure I'm not leading you on.

Don't worry, you're not.

Ok. But I still want to know though.

Why?

Just curious.

"Just curious" is euphemism for "I don’t want to go into the real reason" but I’ll indulge.
If I said "Yes, I infact like you". Then what?

Well, then nothing.

And If I said, "No, I don't like you." Then what?

Then nothing.

Then why do you ask?

Because I want to know. Is that not enough reason?

Sigh…

So do you?

I do. But you already know that.

Interesting.

(silence)

What if I said I liked you too?

(silence)

Would that change anything?

I wouldn't want it to.

Why not?

We are simply the way we are. I wouldn't want to change that.

But there would be things we couldn't do before.

Like what?

Don't play coy.

Those are just details. The fundamental nature of the relationship wouldn’t change. If anything, it will only get distorted.

What do you mean?

Making declarations and putting on labels only introduces a middleman.

How so?

Whenever declarations are made, there is an expectation that something will change. He finally said it. She finally admitted. But in truth, nothing changes. The big declaration event ends. You are left with yourself the next day. I am left with myself the next day. Exactly as we are.

But we'll left with ourselves the next day, together. I’ll be yours. And you’ll be mine. Well, not you. Metaphorical ‘you’ and ‘I’.

But that’s the thing. There is no ‘together’. There is you and there is me. And ironically, only when you understand this can you truly be with someone else without trying to make them yours.

That makes no sense.

Ok let me ask you this. What do you gain from learning how I feel about you?

Why would I not want to know how you feel about me?

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't want to know. I'm simply asking, what do you gain from hearing me say the words "I have feelings for you"?

I don't know what to say to that. I can't say that I gain anything specifically. It gives me comfort knowing how you feel about me. It makes me happy. It helps me set boundaries.

And how long does that comfort last? The moment I do something unexpected, the comfort starts to drop. Does he still feel the same way about me? Do I still feel the same way about him? Uncertainty starts to creep in. Back to square one.

So are you saying people shouldn't confess their feelings to each other?

I'm not saying that. People can do whatever they want. I'm talking about you and me.

It's "you and I"

(silence)

It's a joke! You're supposed to laugh...
Anyways, I sort of see what you're getting at. But I don't think it's practical. In reality, I still need to know so I can set boundaries appropriately. There's a reason labels exist in the first place.

Let practicality take care of itself. Is everything you need to know not already embedded in our interactions? Why the extra step to attach a label to it?

Because I don't want to go making assumptions when you haven't explicitly said anything.

You're missing the point.

What is the point?

You want to rely on labels so that you can close your eyes and set expectations blindly based on some false idea of what you think a relationship should be. And what a partner should be. And how they should make you feel. And what other people are doing for their partners.

So what are you saying then? What else are we supposed to do?

There is nothing to do. I’m just saying open your eyes. So that you can see me. I'm saying set your expectations and your boundaries based on what you see. Day in, day out. Or don’t set expectations at all and simply let things unfold.

That’s too dangerous. And too much work.

It's the only thing that works.

But what do you want though? Out of this?

I don’t know.
.
I don’t really have an angle or goal.
.
I just know how I feel about you.
.
That's all.