After everything, I couldn't bring myself to hate you.

I tried.

But in the end, I default back to longing to see you again.

I ask myself why, but I come up blank.

All I get is the sense that something is missing.

And That seeing you will finally reveal the missing piece.

But what is it?

What could it be?

What could I possibly want from you?

Afterall, you have shown me that nothing good can come from chasing after you.

Still I can't help but wonder.

It really hurts that you deny what we had.

You say it was nothing.

It was not.

That much, I know.

I guess I just wanted to look in your eyes and watch the words come out of your mouth

You can hide behind text messages

You cannot hide in real life

Am I angry at myself for falling for someone like you?

Am I upset that your words carry the same weight even when I know they are lies of denial?

Am I upset that you make me doubt my own intuitions?

How is it I came to give someone like you such power and access?

Have I been misled by my desires to find the one?

How did I miss all of this?

Did I take it too seriously?

What does that even mean?

"Too seriously"

Now you have me wondering if it was all an illusion in my head.

Was any of it ever real?

What is real anyway?

Why am I holding on to your words?

Why am I holding on to what I experienced?

I'm sure it happened to me because I experienced it

It shouldn't matter whether you experienced the same.

It shouldn't matter

But it does...

I hate that it does...

Is it a way to escape my present reality?

Trying to go back to my experiences of the past in order to fill up the void of the present.

I guess even yesterday's leftovers tastes good when you're starving.

Trying to run away from the emptiness I feel by holding on to the deep sense of connection I felt when we were together.

Perhaps, this is what I don't want you to take from me.

You left already.

Why did you have to take what we had along with you?

You really are the worst . . .